Wednesday of the Nineteenth Week in Ordinary Time
Jesus’ teaching today is simple and practical. If someone you are in relationship with, someone who is part of your community, sins against you, go directly to them. Tell them. Speak truthfully and directly about what is wrong. St Benedict echoes this teaching over and over again in his own rule for Christian community living, frequently admonishing against grumbling and gossip. St Benedict councils: after speaking, receive the response and move on.
In our own time, Pope Leo XIV speaks of unarmed and disarming language, a key component of unarmed and disarming peace. He is speaking not only of active peace between nations and peoples. But he is also speaking of peace between persons, between you and me, between friends, between coworkers, between neighbors.
The good news is that the possibility for creating peace can be in our feet and mouths when we go directly to those who have harmed us. When we go unarmed and share the truth of our experience with courage, “I was hurt when you…” “The impact on me was…” Peace is not for the conflict-avoidant! We practice true and active peace when we surrender to anxiety, breathe deeply, and lean into the awkward or difficult conversations. We practice peace when we begin our conversation about hurt by laying down our arms of blame and remaining curious about others' motives and backstories, not necessarily to excuse them, but to understand them.
The good news is that the possibility for peace can be within our hands and ears when we receive the truth of the impact of our actions, the often-unintended consequences. Peace is possible when we receive feedback unarmed rather than reflexively react. We practice true and active peace when we surrender our ego, breathe deeply, and lean into conversation: “Help me understand your experience;” “I’m sorry, I wish I hadn’t…” We practice peace when we lay down our arms of defensiveness.
Sometimes, change does not happen. In these cases, we bring in a trusted member of the community to seek change and mediate peace. This, too, we do directly, not by gossip or grumbling to one another. We have the conversation; we seek understanding; we seek reconciliation; we seek active peace.
This simple, practical teaching of Jesus, echoed throughout the ages, is profound and challenging. It will require practice. We trust that God will give us the grace for the courage, compassion, and patience we must practice to live this unarmed and disarming peace in our daily lives if ever we are to hope for unarmed and disarming peace between nations.
—Kelly Adamson
*Note, Christ invites us into healing relationships. There are times when physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse is enacted. Some relationships cannot be healed. In these cases, it is vital to seek help and leave behind that which harms.